i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
