Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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