If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
