I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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