I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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