All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
