i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
