Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
