This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
