I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
