Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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