you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Who died my cat blue again?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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