News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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