I molested 6 butterflies tonight
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
