I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
