We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
