Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
