Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
