Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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