She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Buhtt sex?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
