Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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