Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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