Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
