Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
