I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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