trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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