You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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