He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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