Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
