he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Boobs speak an international language.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
