Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
