i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
