I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
