Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
