i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
