watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
