WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When are your genitals available?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
