We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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