She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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