Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
