More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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