This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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