her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my sisters under your porch take her home
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
