No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
