so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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