i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
