I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
