low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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