Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
