You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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