omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
