I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
